


In a rocket ship

by nicaaa_chuuu



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Gen, Sad Oikawa Tooru, Sad and Happy, oikawatooruxreader, slight depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:47:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24431587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicaaa_chuuu/pseuds/nicaaa_chuuu
Summary: Loving Oikawa Tooru is out of this world.
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Reader
Kudos: 20





	In a rocket ship

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning: This contains mild depression, vague suicide thoughts and anxiety. Please proceed with caution.

All I ever wanted was to be good enough.

Not even perfect, but just the kind of daughter my parents would be proud of. To be the person they would happily share stories of me and my achievements with their friends. Someone they are happy to have.

Not even perfect, but a good friend is enough. I can break my own happiness just to see my friends smiling. I wouldn’t mind crossing ocean if a friend asked for me. I would be there. To be that friend they can always lean on.

Not even perfect, but I want to be the person who’s good for her passion. For pursuing it means she isn’t wasting any time nor opportunities, knowing that at the end of this tunnel, she’s happy she had taken the risk.

But all I’ve ever been was the opposite of everything that I wanted to be. A failing daughter, a miserable friend— a shitty, worthless person without an ounce of talent for the career she wanted to have.

Standing in the middle of my room, surrounded by polaroids of memories stuck on my wall, tears continued to flow on a steady stream against my swollen cheeks. The back of my eyes throbbed from crying too much. A puddle of disappointment, failings and frustration formed before my feet and if I looked closely, I’d see myself reflected like I am made of them.

_I am made of them._

It was a loud silence in the house. My father had left, probably to drown his own frustration for a daughter who failed him since the moment she was born with strong liquor. My mother was the first to leave after giving me a cold glance the second I dropped the news that I didn’t get into the university they wanted me to go, for choosing my own path. A choking sob left my lips. As if hearing her say, _‘if you’re brother was the one in here’_ wasn’t bad enough. The enunciation that _I_ should’ve been the one buried 50 feet in the ground was a cold, monstrous hand gripping my heart. It prickled my skin but deep inside, at some point, I thought and wanted it too.

The rapping on my bedroom’s window pulled me out of my own dark pool. Outside, a familiar figure perched on a tree branch. The dark brown of his hair gleamed under the moonlight. He waved a hand before I caught the ghost of his smile just when I turned, lips slowly falling like how the moon waned in a downturned Cheshire smile behind him. His eyes roamed on my face as I opened the window to let him in.

“What happened?” Tooru instantly asked, stepping inside the bleakness of my space.

I sniffled and attempted a nonchalant shrug, “Same old. Same shi—,” but immediately broke in another fit of sobbing when his warmth wrapped me up.

Tooru’s strong arms snaked on my waist and pulled me closer. His comforting scent lingered on my sense, encouraging me to furtherly burrow my face on his chest and let the tears wet the dark green alien pajama he has on for the night.

“Your parents are here?”

“T-they won’t be...” I heaved a breath, “back until tomorrow,” my answer was muffled on his chest and Tooru rubbed my back. The heat of his palm radiated through the flannel shirt I’m still wearing for the day and directly blasted the cold slithering monster in my spine away from me.

I gripped the back of his shirt.

“Y/N,” he pulled away a bit. A hand cupped my cheek, tilting my face for my ebony eyes stare at his melted chocolate coloured ones. They gave away his worry but Tooru arched his lips on a full-on smile his crazy fans adore so much. “If I am an alien, I would’ve carried you with me to my planet already so they would stop hurting you like this..”

A trembling, affectionate laugh escaped my lips. “You’re an alien, Tooru. You’re too pretty for this world.”

“Argh!” he groaned, rolling his eyes on me. “I’m cheering you up so quit making me blush. Come on!”

I broke into a half-sobbing and half-happy laugh again whilst being dragged by him. His hand firmly wrapped around mine. Tooru made a grab of my jacket hooked behind my door and we crossed the hallway on quick steps, unmindful of how dark and silent it is.

“Where are you taking me?” I asked, slipping into my shoes as he instructed.

“You’ll know!”

So I followed him, leaving behind the several walls and roof I couldn’t even call a home. I thought he’ll drag me into his house and we’ll binge-watch several shoujo anime because I’m a hopeless romantic and a geek, as he likes to point out, and that would’ve made me happy with a tub of cookies and cream Haagen-Dazs ice cream. But we passed by it, then Hajime’s house.

The wind blew a cold October breeze making me shudder underneath my black parka. Stars overhead glimmered and twinkled, illuminating our way alongside the several light post. The streets were quiet, given that it’s almost midnight, and the only sound were our scurrying and bugs chirping.

Tooru still wasn’t saying anything but I didn’t mind. Unlike the dimness of that place, this silence with him is a solace I wouldn’t find anywhere but next to him. My tears had stop minutes ago and I can clearly look at the strong back before me, knowing that this guy will save me no matter what. That I don’t need to be afraid of the monsters, of my own monsters, because he will come and tether me back.

_He’s annoying at times but Oikawa Tooru is my salvation._

We reached the playground we used to play when we were kids. Me, Tooru and Hajime had been friends since elementary days. This is where Hajime and Tooru used to look for me when I would runaway from the desolate grounds of my parents, lying that they’re trying to find stag beetles in the middle of the night, and would sit beside me on the top of the octopus head slide until I stop wailing.

Tooru helped me climb the head, reaching out a hand and pulled me up with less than an effort.

I scowled. “Show-off.”

He laughed and made me sit beside him, snuggling closer and slid our entwined hands in the pocket of my parka. “The volleyball do wonders, Y/N-chan.”

“That it do.” I said with an eye on the opening of his pajama. His skin peeked with an invitation for me to touch but Tooru bumped my forehead with his, biting his lower lip to suppress a chuckle.

“I’ll scream if you took advantage of me.”

I rolled my eyes and asked, “Why were you awake, anyway?”

“I had the urge to see you. Glad I did huh?” the soft smile before me was a punch in my gut.

Atop this octopus head, this is where we began, he and I, after mumbling awkward confessions and laughing on them, but I get the times, endlessly wondering and worrying if I truly ever deserved someone like the Grand King of the court.

He’s this awesome person, an amazing setter with, sometimes, questionable personality but Tooru cares a lot. He looks after Hajime, after his friend and juniors in AobaJohsai. He looks after me a lot. He’s this person who deserves so much and he could’ve picked an equally amazing girl from the long list of people that wants him, but he chose me.

Just this boring, broken and failure of a thing that I call self.

Tooru squinted his eyes from watching me. “Y/N, I love everything about you.” he started with a sigh and it had my heart racing. “but there’s one thing that I hate.”

I looked away, throwing my head up to see the clusters of stars. _What do you mean one thing when everything about me is hateful and ugly?_

“It’s the way your eyes dim. I hate it when you think something like you don’t deserve me and belittle yourself. It kills your eyes.”

I sucked a deep breath, allowing the air to be a comforting presence to unknot the constriction of my lungs. Tears poked the corner of my eyes. “You should stop climbing the tree. What if you fell and hurt your knee again? Hajime would kill you.”

Tooru sighed from my change of topic. Leaning his head on mine, he answered softly. “Iwa-chan loves me.”

“That’s why he hits you every day?”

“Tough love,” he shrugged.

The night held us close. The serenade of the crickets stilled and the choir of stars sang for us, the constellation Lyra in the lead, plucking on her harp with harmonious serenity. I gently squeezed Tooru’s hand and felt him do the same as he rubbed his cheek on top of my night-shaded hair.

“One day,” he lifted his free hand and pointed upwards, where a star twinkled a hello. “I’ll take you to the top of the world.”

“In a rocket ship?” I smiled a little.

“On me being a setter of Japan’s National Team,” Tooru moved his head and looked at me. His eyes lit from the grace of the many entities in this universe but he remained a person I could always lean on. “and you’ll be there with me. To write our love story like the author you’ve always wanted to be.”

There’s a part of heart that I didn’t want. The tainted, sorrowed part. I didn’t want it because I didn’t want to hate nor blame someone. Not for anyone. Not for myself. But recurring thoughts held me in a close hug, that I would always settle in that corner and will someday fall down the coldest crack of my soul with no way out.

But if Tooru’s here, if he will continue to hold my hand like this— living out of this world doesn’t sound bad at all. “Yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> Today is a sad day for me and I pulled my feelings, wrote them because this is how I cope-up. If I made you uncomfortable for the inner thoughts of the character, I'm sorry but thank you for reading.


End file.
